I’ve been struggling lately, longing for the mother I no longer have. I cannot help but think of all the things I miss out on without her here. There is no calling her for advice or crying on her shoulder when things are tough, like they have been the last several months. There is just something about talking to your momma. Goodness how I miss her laugh, it was contagious, and her love for cheesy movies. Sometimes I watch them, as terrible as they are, and feel a little closer to her.
I miss her a lot around my own birthday, which I know is strange to say, but she did birthdays so well. No matter how little we had, she went out of her way to make me feel so special. That is the driving force behind why I make such a big deal out of my little’s birthdays. It is one of my fondest childhood memories and I want to pass that to my kids too. Now, her birthday is approaching and it is more than my heart can handle. We’ll be sure to have a cupcake and sing her a song. I need my boys to know how important she was. How instrumental she was in my life, and because of that, the effect it has on their lives. She was the most amazing & selfless person I have ever known.
These photos of her holding my first two babies, especially the ones from the days they were born, are everything. Every. Thing. I was broken the day our youngest son Judah was born, not having these moments with her. Document the time you have with your loved ones people. I cannot say it enough. One day, you will only have an ever fading picture in your mind to look back on, so take a million pictures with your cell phone or by whatever means you have. Get in the photos too, don’t be absent from someone else’s memories.
“you taught me the courage of stars before you left.
how light carries on endlessly, even after death.” -sleeping at last